Moonstone Midwife

The first VBAC I ever attended completely blew my mind. I watched a woman move from excited and hopeful to the darkest, scariest place of fear, to surrender, to extraordinary power and then to the softest, most tender human presence as she greeted her baby into the world. It was the most humbling experience of my life, and I am continually humbled by the experience of holding women through birth.

Here’s a few things I’ve picked up from my amazing clients along the way:

1. I am not that important. I am just someone who cares, holding the space as women find their own way.

2. There are no books and no experts that can teach a woman how to birth her baby.

3. VBAC, like all birth, is a spiritual journey. I cannot determine that path. It would be so arrogant to think I could.

I used to think knowledge was power, but many births later, I think getting stuck in our heads takes away our power. Our bodies were designed to birth babies. We are programmed with everything we need to know.   For those of us who are strong, controlling women (yeah, I admit it), it’s so hard to let go and just be still. It’s in this moment of still, that we find the knowledge we were born with.

Knowing can be a really scary place. Realizing that no one else can give you the answers, solve the problem, make it easier, tell you how it will end. On the way to finding our inherent knowledge and strength, we usually meet our demons. Self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, sometimes even self-loathing. Those are hard demons to face. I remember an exercise I once did with another midwife where she had us blow them away with our exhales. It’s was surprisingly liberating.

What I’m learning now, is that the VBAC journey is often about much more than the end of a vaginal birth. It’s about finding your power. It’s about being open to the journey. It’s about taking responsibility and taking charge and learning to let go all at the same time. And that goes for the midwife or doula too.

We’ve been talking about how to get into the right frame of mind for having a VBAC.  Here are a few more tips:

Get determined. Believe you will have a VBAC. Stay away from naysayers or negative birth stories. When the well-meaning friend of relative starts to spew the negative story say “Thank you so much for your concern, but we are only listening to positive stories.” or “Thank you so much for your concern, we know you love us. I promise we have done our research and are making the best choice for our baby.”  Watch all the beautiful HBAC videos on YouTube.

Be open to the possibilities and stay flexible. You might have a super long labor or a fast and furious labor, it could be an orgasmic birth or you might scream the whole time. You could have back labor or you might smile and laugh the whole time. You might have the water birth you’ve dreamed of or you might need to get out of the tub. You might have a home birth or you might need to go to the hospital. Labor is a mystery and if you can surrender, you just might love the adventure of diving into the unknown.

Get exercise every day. Nothing crazy. Weight-lifting and jogging won’t get you a VBAC. A daily walk, yoga practice, or swimming are great ways to keep your body and mind in shape and relaxed.  Belly dancing and hula hooping are becoming more popular among pregnant women as well. Exercise is about more than physical health, it’s also about prioritizing yourself, getting in touch with your body, and reducing stress.

In the last post, we discussed ways to process the trauma of a c-section in preparation for VBAC. As you do that, begin to incorporate these habits into your life:

Practice letting go. When your child or partner tests your patience, take a deep breath and feel your body relax. Find your happy place and go there often. Do it now, deep breath, feel your shoulders drop, ah, feels good, doesn’t it?

Get still with yourself. Recently, after hearing another ICAN leader give this advice, I realized how often I say this.  It’s so, so important. Spend time with yourself each day. Breathe and feel your body relax. If the thoughts swirl, let them, but don’t get stuck on them.  Let your brain get out of the picture and connect with your baby. Rub your belly. If your fears rise up, let them be there for a minute and then let them go. It’s in this quiet place that you can hear your heart, your gut, your innate knowledge, your intuition. Let it guide you.

Meditate, pray or practice deep breathing. Whatever feels right for you. Develop positive affirmations and use them during this time. For example, “my body knows how to birth my baby” or “I am growing a healthy baby, just the right size for my body.” You can even tape them up around the house to remind yourself throughout the day.

As an ICAN chapter leader, and as a midwife, I give out lots of information on VBAC.  I tell women that the research shows us that VBAC is safer than Elective Repeat Cesarean (ERCS).  I recommend things like chiropractic care, Mayan Abdominal Massage, Optimal Fetal Positioning, and hiring a doula.  These things truly can be helpful in achieving a VBAC, but they are not the most important things. A VBAC mama can have a vaginal birth without any of these things.  Most of the time, all she really needs is to believe it.

Disclaimer: There is no one way that is right for every woman.  Over the next few days I will discuss strategies worth exploring that have been important for other women.

To get into a frame of mind where you believe in your body and it’s ability to birth, spend time processing your cesarean birth. If it was traumatic, why? Could that be different?  Think about doing some birth art, journaling, attending ICAN meetings, reading Birthing from Within, seeing a professional therapist, practicing Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or EMDR, and anything else you need to do to get it out.  Try some visualization exercises, reframing the birth in a positive way.

In Austin, we not only have a local ICAN chapter, but we also have other great resources such as Carrie Contey, Phd and Conscious Birthing Austin.

Don’t get pregnant so you can have a healing birth. It just doesn’t work this way.  You need to get okay with the idea that you could have another cesarean. Get pregnant when you are ready, because you love being a mom.